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If your life usually runs smoothly but now feels upside down or out of control, you may be making one of these key caregiving mistakes.
This free guide will tell you what you should stop doing so you can make caregiving easier.
Caring for someone with a serious illness is overwhelming, exhausting, and frightening. If you normally feel in control of your life, getting thrown into caregiving can be a shock. Suddenly, you're not sure what to do and you might even wonder if you're doing a good job.
In addition to all of the new stressors, you still have your regular life and work to deal with.
It's a lot.
It can also be lonely.
You're managing one of the most important and challenging situations that you’ve ever faced, and you don't have training or a roadmap.
I'm a palliative care physician and I've also been a caregiver. I am passionate about making life easier for families facing serious illness.
As a caregiver you need to master negotiating skills, medical skills, counseling skills, nursing skills, personal assistant skills, and so much more... and you still need to get your own laundry done.
You may be wiped out or crankier than you want to be, and your family may feel completely out of control. You might be feeling sad, angry, or guilty, and you're almost certainly feeling stressed and worried
.
You might even feel like you're trapped. Your sleep, wellbeing, and health might be suffering. You might be having trouble concentrating at work or getting your everyday tasks done for your own life.
Despite all of your hard work, you may wonder if you're failing your loved one. And you're probably putting off your own self-care until you have more time... but that time never comes.
Maybe you're doubting your ability to keep going because the whole thing just feels so unmanageable.
You have probably been trying your best to control a situation that feels uncontrollable. And you’ve just been giving more and more of your time and energy, but it hasn’t gotten easier. In fact, the more exhausted you get the harder it all feels.
Giving more of yourself is not the answer.
Become A Courageous Caregiver
As a physician caring for seriously ill patients, I found that some families managed to stay calm, connected, and confident as they coped with illness, while others suffered with crushing stress, family conflict, overwhelming anxiety, and guilt. This was true even if the illnesses were equally serious.
I saw that learning skills for managing the caregiving experience reduces suffering. It improves stress, helps families communicate about tough topics, and gives caregivers the confidence and skills to know that they are providing the best possible care to their loved one, without losing themselves.
I call this Courageous Caregiving.
You can be a Courageous Caregiver.
Courageous Caregivers are confident, calm, and they know that they'll have no regrets about how they showed up as a caregiver.
The Courageous Caregiver Collective
In my practice I was struck by the number of caregivers who thought they were the only ones who:
This inspired me to create the Courageous Caregiver Collective, also known as "C3."
C3 brings caregivers together, remotely, to learn how to get the best from the medical system, how to cope with the chaos of caregiving, and how to preserve your own wellbeing as you care for your loved one.
Led by Dr. Delia Chiaramonte (that's me), C3 provides a touchpoint every other week so you can learn skills, connect with people who understand what you're going through, and give yourself the self-care that you deserve.
If you have been white knuckling this experience all by yourself, C3 will help you feel less lonely. If you've been helping and helping and helping until you feel like you're going to collapse, C3 can help you figure out how to set loving boundaries that are good for your loved one and also good for you. If you've been putting on a happy face no matter how hard things get, C3 will give you a space to share all of your feelings - the positive ones and the negative ones too.
In C3 we will explore the 5-step roadmap for becoming a masterful caregiver without losing yourself.
Join us for 3 months or 6 months We'll meet as a group every other week, and you'll have access to the growing C3 library as soon as you join. Don't worry if you can't make some of the sessions - they will all be recorded.
It will start soon.
You may be thinking that nothing can help. How can you feel better when your loved one is still ill?
I get it.
Yet knowledge is power and hard things done alone, without guidance, are harder. Armed with a plan, practical tools, new insights, and new friends who get you, your caregiving journey will be lighter with C3.
The Courageous Caregiver Collective (C3) is a program led by Dr. Delia Chiaramonte designed to help people caring for someone with a serious illness go from feeling like they're drowning or lost to confidently caring for their loved one without losing themselves.
People who have an ill loved one and want to feel more confident in their caregiving, less stressed, and more like themselves. They know that caregiving is hard but they want to find the balance between giving to their loved one and taking care of their own wellbeing. They want to be certain that they are showing up for their loved one in the best possible way.
If you are looking for medical care for your loved one, C3 is not a good fit.
Topics will include (but are not limited to):
- Having difficult conversations
- Making hard medical decisions
- Dealing successfully with the medical system
- Dealing with tough emotions – yours and everyone else’s
- Handling family conflict
- Taking care of yourself while taking care of your loved one
- Creating a personalized caregiving and self-care plan
Only you can decide what is best for your family. You don’t get to choose which illnesses hit your family, but you do get to decide how you cope with them. The C3 program is here for you if you want to become more confident and calm in your caregiving and figure out how to take care of yourself while you care for your loved one.
No. Support groups can be very helpful, but C3 is not a support group. C3 is a curated program led by a physician with expertise in helping families cope successfully with illness. While Dr. Chiaramonte will not be providing medical advice, she will answer questions from the Courageous Caregivers and you can be sure that others will have the same questions that you do. Even though C3 is not a support group, you will certainly find support there as you learn and grow alongside other people who are facing just what you are facing.
No. Although Dr. Chiaramonte is an experienced physician with expertise in whole-person care for families facing serious illness, she will not be serving as your doctor or your loved one's doctor. She will be coaching and educating you and your family, but she will not be providing medical care.
We recognize the demands on your time, especially when caring for a loved one facing a serious illness. That's why our program is structured with your busy schedule in mind. C3 sessions will be scheduled remotely every other week, and sessions will be recorded in case you can't attend live. The resource center will be available for you to explore on your own time.
Dr. Chiaramonte's new book Coping Courageously: A Heart-Centered Guide for Navigating a Loved One’s Illness Without Losing Yourself is available now. Get your copy below.
Copyright © 2023 Integrative Palliative Institute - All Rights Reserved.
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Caregiving for someone who is ill or aging? Here are the 5 things that you should stop doing right away to make caregiving easier.