As a caregiver you need to master negotiating skills, medical skills, counseling skills, nursing skills, personal assistant skills, and so much more... and you still need to get your own laundry done.
You may be wiped out or crankier than you want to be, and your family may feel completely out of control. You might be feeling sad, angry, or guilty, and you're almost certainly feeling stressed and worried
You might even feel like you're trapped. Your sleep, wellbeing, and health might be suffering. You might be having trouble concentrating at work or getting your everyday tasks done for your own life.
Despite all of your hard work, you may wonder if you're failing your loved one. And you're probably putting off your own self-care until you have more time... but that time never comes.
Maybe you're doubting your ability to keep going because the whole thing just feels so unmanageable.
You have probably been trying your best to control a situation that feels uncontrollable. And you’ve just been giving more and more of your time and energy, but it hasn’t gotten easier. In fact, the more exhausted you get the harder it all feels.
Giving more of yourself is not the answer.
Become A Courageous Caregiver
As a physician caring for seriously ill patients, I found that some families managed to stay calm, connected, and confident as they coped with illness, while others suffered with crushing stress, family conflict, overwhelming anxiety, and guilt. This was true even if the illnesses were equally serious.
I saw that learning skills for managing the caregiving experience reduces suffering. It improves stress, helps families communicate about tough topics, and gives caregivers the confidence and skills to know that they are providing the best possible care to their loved one, without losing themselves.
I call this Courageous Caregiving.
You can be a Courageous Caregiver.
Courageous Caregivers are confident, calm, and they know that they'll have no regrets about how they showed up as a caregiver.
In my practice I was struck by the number of caregivers who thought they were the only ones who:
- Aren't sure that they're doing the right things for their loved one
- Are getting tired of caregiving
- Feel guilty
- Are angry at themselves for being cranky or impatient
- Are frustrated by their siblings
- Beat themselves up for being an imperfect caregiver
- Feel pulled between their sick loved one and their nuclear family
- Are so exhausted they can hardly stand it
- Feel lonely in their caregiving
This inspired me to write Coping Courageously: A Heart-Centered Guide for Navigating a Loved One’s Illness Without Losing Yourself
